I can't even think of an appropriate title. Something with Sucidie?

I'm not even sure how to write this. Essentially, I've just spent the last hour trying to convince a girl that had taken a bottle and a half of tylenol that she shouldn't kill herself.

Let's review the details of this girl. The details I know.

1. She lives in South Carolina
2. This is the first time I've ever talked with her
3. She is actually my friend's girlfriend
4. While I was on the phone with her, my friend (who lives here in CO) was on the phone to poison control to try to get an ambulance over there.

I talked with her for... I think about an hour. What do you say to someone like that? What kind of things are OK? What are things you want to avoid?

In the end, I think I did alright. I was able to keep her on the phone long enough to get the EMTs over to her place. She cried. And she cried. I was scared. She talked about wanting to lie down and die. I asked her why she was in SC. She told me how hopeless everything was. I told her she was loved. She told me she wanted to dies SO BADLY. I told her that I want her to live. We talked about God.

Finally, a knock on the door. "Some motherfucker's knocking on my fuckin' door," she said. "I really think you need to answer that," I said. She put the phone down and answered the door. Two minutes of silence let me know that the cavalry had arrived.

I'm still shaking. I don't know if I've heard the voice of desperation like I've heard it tonight. What do you say to that? What can you say? Hell if i know. My mouth was a constant dual stream of whispered prayer to my God, and a controlled, steady flow of questions to Ali. Perhaps the most surreal thing is that my roommates sat on the other side of the wall playing WoW the whole time, not knowing why I disappeared for that hour.

I'm not sure how to handle all of this, but if you guys could pray for her. She sounded like she needed it. A lot.

And pray that her boyfriend, my friend, will be the loving and comforting presence she needs.

Thanks.

One of the Most Frustrating Things

So, this post is once again about Jesus' divinity or the possible lack of.

I was talking with two really good friends last night about it. One asked why I question, so I outlined the reasons I've discussed here. Those being, roughly, we're supposed to serve one God, and I'm certain this fascination with deifying Christ comes from paganism.

This post is about my frustrations about the things people assume when they talk to me about it.

First: I'm intimately familiar with the reasons why people believe Jesus is God. I've heard the arguments: everything from deep theological discussion to happy happy Christian fortune cookie stuff. I've heard this stuff since the day I decided to follow in the path of the Messiah. In fact, I was one of the few people I've ever known who wasn't at all tripped up by the idea of the trinity. My confusion came when I tried to fathom why others were confused. Both positions are equally understandable for me, and in fact, God seems like a schizophrenic a lot of the time if he is Jesus. God being tempted? That's sheer ridiculosity. God would be tempted by nothing. The mere act of Him being tempted would negate Him. There is no temptation to be found in God. And this extends onward.

Second: When discussing this, don't come from the foregone conclusion that he is God, because that will lead you, inexorably, to the conclusion that he's God. Granted, I'm sort of doing the same thing, but i'm not trying to say "he's not God because he's not God" in the same way you shouldn't say "he has to be God because he's God."

Third: If you talk to me about this, and there are more of you than there are me, don't do these two things: 1. Assume I have all the answers. I do not. As I've always said, this is a very tentative belief, and if it's one I adhere to, I don't have all the answers yet. 2. When you ask me things, let me answer them before someone else jumps in and starts asking questions. It's overwhelming to try to answer, not only more than one question, but more than one question at a time.

Fourth: This is my worry. What if I become so stone hard convicted about this position, and I become the crazy man in the mountains? The man that's right that no one believes? And actually, this leads me to my fifth.

Fifth: I don't think it matters one way or the other. Jesus neither corrected or rejected anyone in what they said. They wanna worship him? Worship him. Think he's a prophet? He's a prophet. He never said, "wait a damned second here buddy. I'm God, treat me as such." His answer was always, "your faith has made you well," or "your faith allows you to see" or something like that. I actually think that, at most, Jesus as God is nonessential doctrine. What was the greatest commandments? "Love the Lord God with all you heart, mind, and body, and the second is like it: love your brother like yourself." Is that all it takes to be a Christian? From the mouth of Yeshua to my heart.

Sixth: If you've ever had a discussion with me, especially if you're the two guys from last night, and you read this, don't let it stop you. Please talk with me about it. It's good for me to see where my position needs extra fortifying and such. Let's just not talk about it approaching the midnight hour or after. I get really somber and emotionally invested in WHATEVER'S going on. It doesn't matter what it is, it becomes life and death for me.

So, that's it. As always, comment as you wish.

Edit: my friend Todd requested that I link him from here, seeing as how his latest blog dealt with a similar issue. So, that's what I'm doing. I just didn't see his request until 6 hours after I posted my own blog. So, Todd's blog.